So here’s the thing. My partner and I, we have a couple of house rules. We don’t really care about clean toilets or lids up or down or sponges in the dish. Oh, there was a safe word once, which we both forgot while aggressively rolling-pin massaging each other’s calves and which we replaced with the generic but more memorable word banana.
But there are some important rules that mustn’t be broken:
1️⃣. Don’t eat the last cookie without asking.
2️⃣. No summoning demons indoors.
Honestly. Think about it. If you caught your S.O. summoning something icky, you would be none too pleased if it happened in your house. It’s a good rule.
But here’s rule #3, and it comes via my monthly epiphany.
The rule is this:
3️⃣. Do not push. Yes, I’m talking about sitting on the toilet. This is not TMI. This is an object lesson. Skip ahead at your own peril.
I piped up the other day—“banana, banana!”—and said I’d been having trouble. Hemorrhoids? Not enough fiber? But I eat lots of fiber, and this problem…it’s all the time.
“Are you trying too hard?” he asked.
“I mean, I have limited time. These books won’t write themselves. I can’t be sitting on the toilet all day. I have a freaking book launch coming up in March!”
“You shouldn’t have to push. It should just fall out.”
“Fall out.”
“I mean, it should happen easily. No straining.”
I smiled tightly. “I like to help it along.”
“It’s not something you have to work on. If it’s not coming…wait. Maybe that’s the issue?”
“I’ve been doing it this way my whole life. Are you telling me I’ve been pooping the wrong way my whole life??”
He just looked at me. I had just told him I’d had this problem for as long as I could remember.
I was thunderstruck.
If your body is ready, you don’t have to push!
You don’t have to push.
And I realized (epiphany moment) this is what I do with EVERYTHING. I push and push and push, even when life isn’t ready for that thing I’m slaving for. And when I push, I tend to get hurt.
Of course, there’s a balance. You can’t just ignore everything and hope it’ll happen. If you don’t eat right, if something’s off, if you hold things in, if you don’t exercise, if you never feed the creative muse and sit down at the keyboard or easel or piano, if you refuse to go to the toilet…Well, being super cavalier can be a problem, too.
But the challenge that day was clear: more listening to my body, less forcing the issue.
The challenge for me and for all of us who are constantly staring into the face of that mountain of responsibility and thinking, It’s not going to move itself, is this:
Trust that you will get the movement you need…
in the time it’s meant to come…
if you give yourself enough space and enough kindness.
Also, yes, you heard that right. Rangers of the Rift: Season 1 is officially releasing March 2020. Get ready. It’s going to be awesome.
In the meantime…what are your house rules?
Happy morning constitution,
River
P.S. Disclaimer: I am not certified to give real medical advice. If something is off, listen to your body AND consult with your doctor.
P.P.S. About your money…Are you completely boggled by investing? Me too. Until a friend rec’d this book as a primer. I absolutely 100% second her recommendation. Thank God for smart friends, right? I think it’s a crime that every kid who graduates high school isn’t taught investing basics. Let’s fix that, starting with us.